JANUARY


31 January 2007

• "You can't really judge what I think about things based on what I say." --Uma Satyavolu
  

30 January 2007

• "Our research confirms that that is how he rolls." --ESPN Sports Center, on some NBA star
  
• "There's another place in Rome: Sacra Santa . . . Santas--Holy Stairs." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on pilgrimages
• "And of course these little old Italian ladies are zipping past me." --Denova, on Catholic indulgences
• "I collect all religions' indulgence sites, just in case." --Denova, on Purgatory
• "I have to go home and tongue-kiss my dog to get over this feeling of isolation." --Jeff Oaks, on John Koethe
• "This is like mean Mad Libs." --Jess Fields, on writing like Koethe
• "Here's some feeding tube food. Someone take it--my mom died." --Cara O'Shea, on free things
• "They have a sceptre, a fuck sceptre. And robes. Royal purple." --Cara, on Comcast
• "And then when you go to class at six, I'll go to the gym, cause I've gotta get a hot bod." --Cara, on boys
  

29 January 2007

• "I've been having dreams that I'm a man. I know I'm a man because, in my dreams, I'm having sex and I'm the one with the penis." --Nicola Pioppi
  

26 January 2007

• "[Gasps] I'm making peas! . . . [Three minutes later: looks at microwave] . . . I don't want peas anymore!" --Cara A. O'Shea
• "Yeah, Lori's sleeping, don't smell me!" --Cara, on late nights
  

25 January 2007

• "Pliny, don't get too close." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on early scientific methods at Pompeii
• "I've got nice guards, we play dice sometimes." --Denova, on St. Ignatius
• "He's a bullfighter, he's a gun-smith." --Erin Offord
• "What was the name of the Hoff's character in Baywatch?" --Katie
  "God?" --Lori Ellison; on David Hasselhoff
• "You look like a railroad worker." --Cara O'Shea, on Jerry May
• "Who was the first Beatle to have a #1 hit?" --Katie
  "Jesus." --Cara; on music
• "I sustained first degree burns on my face, my name is Seal!" --Cara, on breaking into song

24 January 2007

• "Wow, Philip, four syllables, I'm proud of you!" --Katie
  "And they were all in the same word!" --Phil Boggs; on vocabulary lessons
• "I'm in a prizm!" --Phil, on personal space
• "Would you have hooked up with Jesus?" --Mel, on sexuality
• "There's a reason that people say Jesus was hung on the cross." --Mel, on heresy
• "Phil, show us your peenie!" --Cara O'Shea, on manhood
• "The vagina is like a sea creature." --Cara
  

23 January, 2007

• "Justin Martyr--gee, I wonder how he died." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on church fathers
• "Orgasm is like a sneeze." --Denova
• "I hope that all of you in this room know that you can get pregnant standing up, and sideways . . . and jumping up and down afterwards doesn't get rid of it . . ." --Denova, on ancient conception myth
• "How many good Catholics in here? [Hands raise] How many Catholics that actually follow the dictates of the Catholic church on human sexuality? [Silence]" --Denova & Varieties class
• [Mel points to Bethany's notes.]
  "Diagram." --Bethany Summerson
  "Why?" --Katie
  "Because I always forget which one it is." --Bethany; on missionary position.
• "The only time I envy a penis is when it's not in my vagina." --Katie, on Freud
• "I don't believe that everything happened in the 60s, I'm tired of taking the blame." --Denova, on oral sex
• "So, did the Pope say we can use other positions?" --Some guy in Varieties, on Catholic Church Law
• "I read it to the dog. He loves poetry." --Jeff Oaks, on Whitman
• "And the blackberry is up there, so I've already put jam on it." --Jeff, on shortcake
• "Why is there a picture of someone being drawn and quartered behind you?" --Jeff, on sharing classrooms
• "It's not a waitress." --Jeff, on poetry-speak
  

18 January 2007

• "That's the picture I want on my tomb." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on ancient Etruscan porn

11 January 2007

• "People, or penguins?" --Mel, on Dr. Denova's art skills
• "I'll try to make it delicate. . . . 'He who shits.'" --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on translation
• "Eat your oatmeal, or I'll kill you." --Denova, on honor/shame cultures
• "I don't recommend trying that in the cafeteria." --Denova, on Plato's Symposia
• "Oh my God, I'm so old." --Denova, on Ben Hur
• "And to get you a cup of water when you were done." --Denova, on the role of slaves
  

10 January 2007

• "And then what? Am I going to Syria?" --Uma Satyavolu, on the word "momentarily"
  
• "It's only because I'm interested in cryptography that I could figure that out." --Uma, on internet-speak
• "Because the British are weird." --Uma

9 January 2007

• "It means Pilate didn't write home to Mom, 'Guess who I killed today.'" --Dr. Rebecca Denova
• "And I'm not just saying that because I'm Satan." --Denova, on eyewitnesses
• "And the housewives were drunk every afternoon and dinner wasn't ready." --Denova, on the Bacchanalian cult
  

4 January 2007

• "Some of them have pizza, some of them have salads. You should check it out." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on free lectures
• "It's Lethal Weapon 5. In the jungle." --Denova, on Apocalypto