Call 'Em Like You Hear 'Em

2 November 2006

"Funny how often people say that to me." --Prof. Shalini Puri, on understanding
"Okay, so Rwanda was never a part of Uganda?" --Shalini
"No." --Amanda
"It's not the usual, 'I don't know,' 'like,' 'what's up . . .'" --Shalini, on talking about Murambi, book of bones
"Why would you waste a miracle on making wine? Go out and heal a leper or something." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on signs in the gospel of John
"This is a Greek philosopher who spews Greek philosophy every time he bumps the wall." --Dr. Denova, on the gospel of John
"Jesus is on the menu." --Dr. Denova, on the Last Supper
"I don't like John." --Dr. Denova, on the gospels
"Guys, I have lice and AIDS." --Cara O'Shea, on Phil Boggs
"You could buy $400 worth of . . . pens." --Jerry, on extra rent money
"I find my way, I just ca--fuck." --Isaac Hill, on screwing up.
"Philip, that's like a propane tank." --Cara, on 40s.
"That Jay-oh-quee-in Phoenix is good in it too." --Phil Boggs, mispronouncing Joaquin
"Your head doesn't have a brain like most people do." --Cara, on Jerry May
"I vote Tom sings! I vote Tom sings with boobies!" --Cara, on Disney sing-alongs
"With our family plan, you can get unlimited text messages wherever you go." --Jerry May, on James Earl Jones/Mufasa

31 October 2006

"You can definitely pull off the sidekick thing, but if you're not gonna, why are you talking about Pokey? Dammit?" --Mike Hurley, on Gumby
"By the way, keep that chocolate circulating." --Prof. Shalini Puri, on Halloween candy
"Oh, sorry, lights were out." --Shalini, on attendance
"Republican, right?" --Shalini
"No, Democrat, Arkansas."--Larry; on a long time ago.
"By the way, that's apparently the hot ticket for Halloween costumes this year." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on partial nudity

30 October 2006

"No, that was good for drug-induced thought." --Prof. Don Bialostosky, on Jason Pippi

26 October 2006

"It's Chris's poem, so we don't know what he's writing about." --Ellen Smith
"Damn." --Chris Carosi; on workshopping
"Well . . . here's the deal . . ." --Guy Risko, on discourse
"I don't have a problem with a black Jesus." --Dr. Rebecca Denova
"What are deacons? These are the bus-boys!" --Dr. Denova, on early church politics
"I can't believe that I'm such a genius that I'm the only one who found this." --Dr. Denova, on Biblical scholarship
"Splat, right in front of Peter, and Peter wins the day." --Dr. Denova, on why not to challenge the disciples
"Nobody really knows what the guy's real name is." --Dr. Denova, on Simon-Peter
"You'd go there, play basketball, read a little Torah, get a free bowl of soup." --Dr. Denova, on synagogue soup kitchens

25 October 2006

"I'm gonna get some construction paper, and wrap myself in a blanket." --Cara O'Shea, on Halloween
"It's like a jacket-shaped sheep." --Cara, on her warm thing
"I will wear it to class tomorrow, and Starla will be like, 'Cara, you look like a sheep from the Shetlands.'" --Cara, on her warm thing

24 October 2006

"And then Mae West--isn't she a prostitute?" --Danny Certo, on chiasmus
"That's all the poor get: a message, and maybe a hug or two." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on Jesus' mission
"It essentially says, 'Give money to the church or we'll kill you.'" --Dr. Denova, on Acts 5
"He's not proportioned properly to be able to satisfy!" --Cara O'Shea, on Nip/Tuck
"I think that when I masturbate, God just says, 'Oh, *** . . . you're crazy . . ." --speaker requested to be listed anonymously
"A deer? I know you like hunting, but . . ." --Tom "The Hutch" Hutchinson, on Phil's weird sex story

23 October 2006

"Oh, yeah; I don't have any, do I?" --Prof. Don Bialostosky, on Wordsworth and spinach
"I hate the Bible." --Jason Pippi, on the New Testament song.
"That looks dangerous." --Katie, on Alex's book collection
"Let me hand it to her--I'm like the Internet." --Liz Dewar, on transferability
"I love your comments laced with sarcasm." --Elana Schlenker
"I'll lace you with sarcasm." --Liz; on Liz

20 October 2006

"He's God's gift to gay men." --Jason Pippi
"God doesn't give gifts to gay men." --Tom Hutchinson; on Wade Schamling
"Maybe today was National Leave-Your-Umbrella-In-Retail Day." --The Hutch
"You know, I was worried about that picture, but I'm impressed--they really did a good job with me." --The Hutch, on American Apparell
"'How much do you charge?' 'Nothing, just let me keep it.'" --The Hutch, on shady dentists

19 October 2006

"Only you can prevent forest fires?" --Katie
"No, only Mike can prevent pirate attacks." --Brandon Porter; on the Navy
"My pelvis! My pelvis! My spleeeen!" --Phil Boggs, on Log Cabin
"My body's not bending right!" --Cara O'Shea, on Log Cabin

18 October 2006

17 October 2006

"I did one. It almost killed me." --Arthur Seefahrt, on poetic corona
"Nobody wants the image of a sweaty, humping Jesus." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on cinematic depictions
"But let's not forget that the Blues Brothers traveled alone, and they too were on a mission from God." --Dr. Denova, on Jesus being married
"Tetris waits for no man." --Mel, on Nintendo
"You know, one of them Talkies." --Tom Hutchinson, on pop culture
"It's not a phase, it's not a phase!" --The Hutch, on Alex leaving
"It has a phone number, though--most ghosts do not." --Cara O'Shea, on the Notary
"If the stripper is over 18 and has a valid driver's license, she can be signed into the dorms." --Telefact operator, on permission

16 October 2006

"I'm so smart, I can read!" --Cara O'Shea, on Japanese
"What the hell is bazinia? . . . Bazinia translates to Virginia!" --Cara, on Japanese
"You have a fantasy hockey team?" --Teresa Pizzella
"I have three." --Cara
"Know how many times you're gonna hear Feliz Navidad? You're gonna wanna die." --Erin Offord, on Christmas music
"I was like, is that coming from the refrigerator?" --Erin, on Jon singing

15 October 2006

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