30 March 2006

• "Kids today . . . they just seem to have a lot of iPodness about them." --Dr. Julie Fiez, on productive morphemes
  

28 March 2006

• "Not useless, I mean, it's cool to know. I'm better at Jeopardy now." --Steve Luckey, on John Dryden
• "I have no idea. Nor do I care." --Dr. Kimberley Latta, on succession to the English throne
• "You got the hypocrisy of this dentist working in your mouth who's got this messed up grill . . ." --Joslyn Sanders
  

27 March 2006

• "That will be a new emotion for some of us, associating the name of Freud with hope." --Anne Carson
• "Could you fold in with the rest?" --Anne Carson, on unison
  

24 March 2006

• "My glasses match your new green boobs." --Katie Selig, to Teresa Pizzella
• "Your boobs match Jon's shirt!" --Cara O'Shea, to Teresa
• "Before I even met you, I hated you." --Mel
  "I actually have a knife in my desk I'm planning on killing you with." --Cara, to Jon Meck
• "Giant, fluffy foreskin!" --Erin Offord, on Jon's pillow-penis
• "Daisy gave birth to Flowerhead and Sammy." --Cara, on zoos
• "I'm gonna see how many words I can say that end in 'nent.'"--Katie
  "I want a mint." --Jon
  "That doesn't end in 'nent,' Jon." --Katie
  "I want a nent." --Jon
• "Doesn't she want a career in business? Wouldn't she be going for that non-regional dialect? Or is she going for an all-regional dialect?"--Cara
• "Save a horse, punch a baby." --Erin
• "I used to be a real hardcore eighth-grader. My girlfriend used to love it when I would say the M.F. word." --Jon

23 March 2006

• "I was not well. I had a bad sinus situation." --Oyebade Dosunmu, on head colds

22 March 2006

• "All you know for sure is that you're burning a Catholic." --Professor John Twyning, on Guy Fawkes Day
• "It's not that easy--you can't just walk around with the Host." --John Twyning, on Catholic superstition
• "Dracula operates on the state of sleep. One quick nap and you can find teeth marks in your neck" --John Twyning
• "If I'm an expert in anything, I'm an expert in London prostitution." --John Twyning
  

21 March 2006

• "I think He knew what He was getting Himself into." --Kristen S., on God & creation
• "Stay out of my conversation and my life." --Cara O'Shea, to Jerry May
• "I bet Jerry needs it, that's why it's there." --Teresa Pizzella, on the sock in the shower
• "You know it's possible to harbor disease in your foreskin?" --Jason Pippi, to Jon Meck
  "You know it's possible to harbor disease in your colon? But that doesn't stop you from having one." --Erin Offord, to Pippi

16 March 2006

• "You guys are behaving exactly like preschool children. Which is good." --Dr. Julie Fiez, on experiment results
  

undated

• "He doesn't know them now, but he has two new Facebook friends." --Alex Moore, on Jason Pippi
• "He just mumbles it unconsciously sometimes: 'I love the Dolphins. Dan Marino. My favorite team.'" --Cara O'Shea on Jerry & football
• "I understand what Alex is doing--I don't understand what Ellen is doing."--Cara
  "They're talking on the phone right now--it's pretty easy." --Jason Pippi
  
• "Like blamed with two ms?" --Katie Selig
  "Yeah, and without the i. There is no i." --Jon Meck; on blammed
  
• "You can live in your car, but you can't drive your house." --Mel
• "I like to have milk in my fridge and I don't want to pay $3 for a half-gallon." --Teresa Pizzella
  "Start lactating!" --Jerry May
• "I get performance anxiety. I lose my erection before a game." --Jerry
  

10 March 2006

• "Food Network is like softcore porn for obese people." --Chris D'Annibale
• "I'm getting married in the fall. Not this fall." --Kelly Hill
  

random

• "Katie, who's your favorite wrestler?" --Ron Selig
  "Ron, I think wrestling is a vulgar, base, stupid and obnoxious sport." --Katie
  "So . . . who's your favorite wrestler?" --Ron; on pro wrestling
• "Everything is what it is and not some other thing." --Bishop Butler
• "The test will be given in all rows." --Dr. Michael Perloff, on paying attention
• "If you don't have a plan, you'll end up in Cleveland. Look at the people who live there." --Dr. Perloff
• "Is he in his right mind? Or are we dealing with a closet fetishist of sorts?" --Professor Michael West
• "One in front of it. One behind. Two to the left and right. Old MacDonald had a farm." --Professor West, on William Carlos Williams
• "You're not necessarily the shallow end of the pool. You're just kind of the beach." --Jerry May, on Jon Meck
• "Your jokes are like thick, thick mud." --Jerry, on Jon
• "Well, the Unabomber cared about things. Adolf Hitler cared." --Prof. West
• "TIO YUFA! Time for dinner!" --Ron, on Scrabble
• "Sunshine, a pretty girl and donuts. Key ingredients for happiness." --Jim Keener, Calista Nasser and Katie Selig
  

2 March 2006

• "Yeah, and catch some oceanic disease." --Calista Nasser, on Jerry and Alex roasting manatees
• "A barrel of animal crackers!" --Alex Moore
• "You know what, bitch, please. Bitch, please, Alex." --Calista
• "There was a recent muppet show. I mean, it wasn't recent. Uh. Never mind." --Ellen Moiani
• "You know, Alex's hands were sticky." --Katie
  "So does that mean Alex was masturbating under the table?" --Calista; on eating wings
• "She doesn't want your gis-y napkin." --Calista, on cleanliness
• "If there's a fork in the road, take it." --Jerry May
• "I think my fear of nipples stems from living with Jimmy and Phil." --Alex, on his roommates
• "The dance is your sex." --Jerry, on Alex's fear of nipples
• "Were you fed by IV as a baby?" --Jerry, on Alex's fear of nipples.
  

13 February 2006

• "No one gets any when they're old. I mean, they do--that's why there's Viagra." --Rich Purcell
• "She's got a hottie's body, but her attitude sucks." --Todd Saulle
  "It's potty." --Rich Purcell; on Outkast

10 February 2006

• "The fact that it's in a museum means it's not a diner." --Jerry May
  "And that I'll never see it." --Jon Meck; on diners
• "Your selfish sucks." --Cara O'Shea
• "If you're naked in the ocean and there's a shark, it could bite your parts." --Cara
• "We used to have a lot of junk in my house, but no food." --Cara
• "How do you know about these things." --Tori Oravec
  "I'm secretly Batman." --Erin Offord

8 February 2006

• "Whenever I'm around children, I ultimately catch diseases." --Prof. John Twyning
• "If the guy gives me the right line, I'm just giving it up right here. That's my blossom pulled." --Prof. Twyning.

1 February 2006

• "You wouldn't want to face the Spanish Inquisition and talk about Fate or else . . . bits of you will be cut off before you die." --Prof. John Twyning
• "I wonder what would be the crisis if one's shit were scattered."--Prof. John Twyning
• "Any guy who has a crisis . . ." --Prof. Twyning
  ". . . will ask a woman to solve it." --Katie; on ontological crisis
• "He sort of sleeps in rhyming couplets." --Prof. Twyning, on Romeo

31 January 2006

• "Sometimes I do. If it's a really good one." --Dr. Julie Fiez, on breakfast and attention

30 January 2006

• "Like the KKK. That's a bad group." --Jen Hopkins, on diversity

25 January 2006

• "It's one of the biggest no-nos in feudal culture, killing the king." --Prof. John Twyning

random

• "Valentine's Day . . . gives me Tourette's on the fifteenth." --Amy Lee Morse
• "For the first five seconds, you taste the cherry flavor, then all you taste is the methanol. . . . it would make you feel good. No, actually, it would kill you." --Ann McLaughlan, on cough drops
• "When they first started having problems, I said 'No trick is worth it! Dump the bitch and let's go!'" --Jon Meck