the BE-ALL, END-ALL of QUOTE POSTS...

...because Mel might kill me if I wait any longer to do this, and it has, in all fairness, been months.

1 March 2007

• "It was an accident, like a freeway pile-up." --Dr. Rebecca Denova, on the Crucifixion
• "At the time, it wasn't flashy; it was just another dead Jew." --Denova
• "Do you think there'll be Steeler games in heaven?" --Denova
• "You see that bumper sticker 'Jesus Saves'? It doesn't mean he backs up his disks." --Denova
• "It's kinda like Gandalf." --Denova, on Jesus
• "That's when the Church has to drop back and punt." --Denova

2 March 2007

• "Matt is questionable on, like, pasta." --Casey Spirk, on Matt Stepnick

3 March 2007

• "I need a tongue-piercing to save my soul from MySpace!" --Erika Selig
• "Oh, dang, I left Gone with the Wind at Ashley's house." --Erika
  "Does that mean we can't have our movie marathon?" --Mom
  "Ummm, do you still have a MySpace?" --Erika

13 March 2007

• "If you liked Lord of the Rings, they've imported all the orcs." --Denova, on 300
• "I used to think that was kind of neat. Then I got older and all I could think about was the germs." --Denova, on Good Friday services
• "But I want to know if I'm going to get a job or not!" --Prof. Jeff Oaks, on e ching (??)
• "I expected more from you...whale-shirt." --Jess Fields

14 March 2007

• "I've been dying a thousand deaths each week." --Prof. Uma Satyavolu, on spelling
• "Grammar is a bad word in America, I found out." --Uma
• "I've caught errors in their text, and my mother has actually called them to complain." --Paul Lundblad, on the news
• "So, the use of double negatives, for instance...?" --Uma
  "...drives me crazy." --Paul
• "If you don't think all cookies have sugar, you'll get extremely fat." --Dov Naiditch

15 March 2007

• "Snow White and the Vagina Dwarves." --Alex Moore
• "Try another country...I don't know, Lichtenstein, they probably don't care." --Denova, on resurrecting the monarchy
• "Jesus always liked Mary best. He loved her more than the rest of us. He used to kiss her on the blank." --Denova, on literal holes in text
  
• "I need to sleep, but...there's the..." --Denova, on Dan Brown

20 March 2007

• "Who wants to read Homer's all of life crap? Skip to the good parts!" --Denova
• "And they're like, 'Oh, man, I have to break her in...'" --Denova, on virgins
• "I'm pretty sure they used cardboard sets and, I think, Danish modern furniture, cause it was hot in the fifties." --Denova
• "My favorites are adulterers and rapists. What do you think gets cut off?" --Denova, on Dante's Seven Circles
• "How does someone get that deep?" --Erin Dragan
  "Drugs." --Jeff Oaks; on Mei-Mei Bersenbrugge
• "The Alphabet Soup Kitchen...It's not that good I guess." --Eric [V? B?], on titles
• "The experience of being a woman as seen by Roget's Thesaurus." --Katie
  "I don't think I can handle that." --Chris Carosi; on women.
• "That reminds me of a quote from Pat Robertson that said 'Feminism causes women to practice witchcraft and kill babies.'" --Dragan
  "And burn the biscuits: it's all bad!" --Jess Fields

22 March 2007

• "Wait, is this Superman?" --girl
  "No, this is Jesus." --Denova
• "I actually can do, I make one hell of a lasagna." --Denova, on teachers
• "I don't want you running into my room every time you have an itch." --Cara O'Shea, on Gold Bond
• "Ow, I'm blinking." --Cara
• "Um...um...pizza in my pants!" --Jon Meck
• "It's not a competition; it's an assessment of Alex's diet." --Katie
  "But you can make it a competition." --Jon; on essential character traits
• "What's your secret?" --Erin Offord
  "I poop four times a day." --Alex Moore; on digestive oddities.

27 March 2007

• "Bars do it--why not the church?" --Denova, on seashell decor
• "It'd be like wearing an electric chair around your neck." --Denova, on Christian symbolism
• "Gee, God, you look good today, I like those shoes." --Denova, on Origen
• "We revolve around the sun, right?" --Denova, on ancient theory
• "Mine didn't talk." --Jess Fields, on The Vagina Monologues
• "I used to clip the bottoms off Dixie cups and put them on my wrists and ride around town." --Jeff Oaks, on Wonder Woman
• "My favorite was, um..." --Jess
  "Yeah, let's not do that." --Jeff
• "As a kid, I thought that meant that she liked me better." --Jeff, on draft dodging

28 March 2007

• "Who needs wool when your average temperature is between 70 and 120 degrees?" --Uma, on the British East India Company

3 April 2007

• "Does Mel have extra-slutty?" --Katie
  "No, she's just a normal slut." --Jerry May
• "Which is the part that tells me to kill people?" --Jerry
  "That'd be the id. But I don't think it's supposed to do that." --Mel; on psychology
  
• "I see 'few and whip'. What does that say?" --Tom Hutchinson
  "'How and why'." --Jerry; on Jerry's handwriting
• "But it is possible to squiggle yell..." --Tom
  "What number is that?" --Jerry
  "I don't know, the one that starts with 'Arnold'." --Tom; on Jerry's handwriting
• "Yes, I have a Constantine wristwatch. Do you?" --Denova
• "Do I know the back entrance to the men's room? All too well." --Ting Xiao
• "I figured you'd at least be able to pick out some of the words." --Jeff Oaks
  "Like 'hamburger'?" --Katie; on Polish
• "But then I wrote a poem about hunting." --Ed (??) on translation
• "No, you're ruining the movie for me!" --David Savakinas, on the Lifetime channel
• "I see those crazy bastards all the time." --Jeff Oaks, on robotics

10 April 2007

• "They always liked the hooker with the heart of gold." --Denova, on the French
• "Every couple years, they dig Anthony up, see how he's doin'." --Denova, on relics
• "I wanna go around telling people my moles are tattoos." --Ting, on Jess's tattoo
• [From before this, but written on this date:]
  "What's going on over there?" --Jeff
  "Dragan was trying to eat me." --Katie
  "I was hungry." --Dragan

11 April 2007

• "It sounds vaguely vulgar--'have a good one' without specifying what of a good one I should have." --Uma, on Americanisms
• "They are noisy, aren't they? And they have angry eyes." --Uma, on hens
• "That's why American sports are better." --Dov, on 'googly'
• "The surest sign that you've never read a book in your life." --Uma, on 'regards'
• "Ew...that's sad." --Uma, on vomit

12 April 2007

• "And this is my favorite, ready? Jews were not allowed to work as doctors and lawyers." --Denova, on stereotypes
• "My feeling is, if I'm already condemned, I'm going down in flames." --Denova, on Calvinism
• "'If you're one of the chosen, you won't wanna be bad,' and I'm like, 'bet me.'" --Denova, on Calvinism
• "Never phase--I broke my knee!" --Cara, on games

13 April 2007

• "I only had a chipotle wrap, rice, and half of a bunny today." --Cara

19 April 2007

• "I printed the first page and the last page and hoped that would summarize." --Jon
• "What would you do, Tom?" --Erin
  "I would eat them. What would you call that?" --Tom
  "Cannibalism." --Jon
• "Yeah! Me and Dave Wannstedt!" --Jerry, on dreams-come-true