some of these are very old (but organized chronologically as far as i can tell)

• "I won't be able to--I'll choke and die!" --Kelly Hill
  "It's okay, take one for the team." --Matt Foley; on chugging
• "You can't trust any network that has Bon Jovi in the Top Five." --Ron Selig, on countdown shows
• "I think that God is playing a cruel joke on me." --Brian Latimer, on wrong answers
• "It's like, not-giving-up-ness." --Tiffany DeRewal on perseverance
• "You're not only the sperm. You are sex." --JoAnna Allen to Tim Van Horn as Conrad Birdie, on working the stage
• "Now if you rip a worm in half . . . they don't like that." --Greg Longacre, on regeneration
• "Oh look, the closet's ringing." --David Kolosky, on the phones at Southern Lehigh High School
• "I got shottie! You know, my pet peeve is people who call shotgun 'shottie.' I mean . . ." --Nate Shorb
  "Oh yeah? Well, my pet peeve is people who have pet peeves." --Dale Pittner